Something I've been wanting to write about, actually needing to write about since I got to NYC is D.L.C. I've mentioned him in a couple of other posts but mostly as my ex. That he is. We broke up on August 2, 2004. Now most of you are thinking enough already get over him and move on. Well there are some extenuating circumstances as to why it's still an issue.

When I left to go to San Diego to start graduate school, I asked D.L.C. to come with me. He was done with his course work at Columbia and could have easily gotten a job there for the three years I was going to be there. He chose to stay in New York. So 3 years ago today, I started up the U-Haul and started my journey cross country. I got settled in California and we began our long distance relationship. It was obvious from the start I was going to put more work into making sure it lasted. I called often. I sent cards. I sent care packages. I was lucky if the conversations lasted more than a few minutes, but I knew he was busy with his dissertation and so let it ride.

Then Thanksgiving was approaching. I couldn't come back to NYC because of a school project. Actually 90% of the students in my program were required to be there that weekend. So of course I asked D.L.C. to come west. He thanked me but told me there was no way. He had to get work done on his dissertation. This was a conversation I was tiring of. He was constantly scheduling time to work and then someone would call with a better offer and he would put aside his writing. So when he said no about Thanksgiving I was a little pissed. Finally I said ok. Stay home. But please, please spend your time writing. Obviously I wouldn't be writing about this if that's what he had done. Nope. He spent the entire weekend out with friends. If I remember correctly we barely spoke all weekend because of his busy social calendar. I was more than a little angry.

I figured this could all wait to Christmas and we could discuss it. Well, I mentioned in this post about D.L.C.'s reaction when I got to his place on Christmas break. It wasn't exactly the welcome I was expecting but I got thru it. We spent the break together which ended with my appendix bursting and me spending 8 days in the hospital. So we never really got to discuss my anger over Thanksgiving.

There's more to discuss but I am going to fast forward. Summer is coming and it's time to make plans for what I am going to do. D.L.C. tells me I am welcome home for 2 weeks and that is all. Once again it's about his dissertation. I don't take this news well. As it turns out I am going to spend about 2 weeks upstate so we agree on two weeks before and two weeks after and then I am to head back to San Diego. I am not happy about this but I don't know what else to do.

So I spend my two weeks here, my two weeks upstate and my final two weeks back in NYC. We decided the last morning I was here, August 2nd, (I have an 11:00 flight) that we would get up early, get breakfast I would come back finish packing, shower and leave at 9 a.m. When I wake up it's well past the time we were supposed to get up. It's almost 8:15 and the car will be picking me up in 45 minutes. He's sitting at his desk reading something on line. I ask him why he didn't wake me and he just sits there. Finally he gets up, gets me a cup of coffee and sits down on the couch next to the bed. He just sits there staring at me. I ask what's up and he just sits there. Finally he says that he can't do this anymore. He proceeds to break up with me. He tells me it's because of the weight issues and that he doesn't want to be a part of it anymore. It's now 8:35 and I have 25 minutes to shower and pack. I get up and go to the bathroom. I am stunned. I would never have guessed this. I take a quick shower in which I begin to cry. I cry until I am done. I won't let him see it. I get dressed and come out of the bathroom. I finish packing.

About that time, the phone rings and it's the car. It's now 8:55. I get my bags together. Ask him to mail the things that won't fit. And we go down stairs. We hug goodbye at the curb. I get into the car and leave New York.

August 2, 2004. I haven't seen D.L.C. since that morning. I have to admit I haven't wanted to. We talked for a while after the break-up. I tried to be nice, but on one occasion he backed me into a corner and it was the last time I was really civil to him. I haven't talked to him in well over a year. I don't have much to say. I think he's an ass. I think he's a coward. It takes a small man to actually break-up with someone 25 minutes before they have to leave your apartment for four months.

Now the problem: I am back in New York. He still lives in Chelsea, I assume. We haven't seen each other in almost two years. And I am terrified that I am going to run into him. I don't know how I am going to react. Will I be civil? Will I punch him in the face. I know that's what will happen if he makes a comment about my weight. I hate that I have given him such power, and yet every time I feel strong and venture into his neighborhood I feel my pulse speed up and I get anxious.

I know I should take the high road. Be the bigger man. But I just get so angry. One because of how he did it, and two because "I had gained weight". It's not like I was obese. It's not like it was out of control. When I make a commitment to someone it's not something I do lightly. I take it very seriously. I accept you warts and all. And if something's not working, you talk about it. You don't just walk out.

I'll stop here. I'm sorry this post is so long, but sometimes you gotta say what you gotta say. Unfortunately because my social outings take place in that area, I have to deal with this daily. And I know it's only a matter of time before we run into each other and I have to choose how I am going to deal with this. I hope when the time comes I have the strength to be polite and just move on.