The Date. Ah, The Date. How can something that started so nicely turn out to be so __________. I'll let you fill in the word when I am finished.


The plan was to see Superman Returns, have dinner, come back to his place, have sex, sleep together.

The best laid plans...

I met M.N. at his house and as I said the evening started nicely. We chatted while he changed out of his work clothes. I was in a bit of a hurry to get to the theatre, because I like to sit on the aisle. I'm kind of neurotic about it. The anxiety stems from that fact that I almost always have to go to the bathroom during the movie and I don't want to interrupt anyone to do it. We got to the theatre in plenty of time, in fact we were the first people there. Which gave us time to talk about the things that had been going on in our lives for the past 3 years. We joked around gently teasing each other and having fun.

We watched the movie, which going against the opinions of most of the blogs I read, we both loved. It was fun, the action sequences were exciting and Superman is mostly definitely not bad to look at. Neither of us are huge comic fans though, so that may be why we liked it. After the movie we took the subway back up to his place to a Mexican restaurant. We sat outside on the sidewalk, people watching while enjoying dinner. We both ate far more than we planned to, but the food was good and the company was nice.

From there we walked back to his apartment. And then. M.N. decided we should talk. And talk we did. He proceeded to give me the rules and guidelines of dating him. First and foremost. He would never, ever, bottom. Now this wasn't such a big deal except in the way the he approached the subject. He was adamant about it. I was not to touch, play, or even think about his ass. He became almost belligerent in the discussion, if you could call it a discussion. I tried to explain to him that it was only the second date we could see how these things played out but he felt that I had to be willing to accept that.

The issue I have is that I have been in relationships where I am the bottom. I have been in relationships where I am the top. And if I have to choose. I don't want to. I want sex to be something casual, that just happens. Something that's not planned out. That might be one way this time, and another way the next time. I don't want rules before I start. I respect his limits, but there are a million better ways to approach it.

Issue number two. I am to have sex with no one else without telling him first. At this point he makes it clear that if I want to date him, it's him and him alone He's HIV+ and doesn't want me bringing home any unexpected diseases to share. I understand and respect that. BUT IT'S ONLY THE SECOND DATE!!!!! I'm not ready to register for china patterns. I'm not ready to suddenly be in a monogamous relationship with him. I don't even know if I like sex with him. What constituted sex on Wednesday, was barely more than mutual masturbation. I'd like to know that I like it before I sign on for good. On this rule as with the first he's not willing to discuss, or negotiate. It's his way or the highway.

Then number three. There'll never be sex if were not freshly showered, with teeth brushed. I'll revert back to the discussion of sex not being planned. Maybe my thinking is too simple, but I like sex to be spontaneous. Sometimes at night. Sometimes in the morning. Sometimes in the middle of the day just for the heck of it. I don't want to have it be an event where I have to schedule it on his calendar so that he can make sure he's ready to go. I could understand a little more if he were the bottom. But we've already discussed that, so that's not the problem.

At this point I just wanted to go home. But I was committed so off to bed we went. There wasn't even any making out. He turned off the light and went to sleep. I lay awake for what seemed like hours trying to figure out what had just happened. I wanted to not make a big deal out of it. I want to just accept it and go on. I finally fell asleep but awoke before the sun was up and continued to lie awake. Finally he woke up, and we got up. Luckily I already had a legitimate excuse for being home early so I dressed and left.

What do I tell him when he calls for Date #3?