I had a date tonight. And as my roommate pointed out I haven't even been in NYC 48 hours yet. And what's even better, I wasn't even looking for it or expecting it. And the best part. There was sex involved. Fully respectable, lying down in a bed, sex.

So now I suppose you want the details.

In January 2002 I met M.N. at my gym. Actually he followed me from my gym to the Starbucks down the street on a very rainy day and we had coffee. Well, he had tea since he doesn't drink coffee. But it was the beginning of a very short lived love affair. M.N. is physically very much my type. He's short, and brown skinned, and smart (think PhD from Columbia) and well, my type. Unfortunately when we met, he had just seroconverted. I was and still am negative and this was more than he could deal with. He had studied every inch of the disease and could actually tell you down to the cell the specific strain in which he had. He knew the details of every med (even the ones he didn't take), how and why they worked, who made them and how much they cost. He knew just about everything there is to know about HIV. Every discussion was about his disease. Every joke about his disease. Every ounce of his life about his disease. There was no room for me, especially being HIV-. It was on again off again for several months but I just couldn't deal with it. It was never his infection, it was instead his obsession with his infection. We went out on my birthday and he started going on about the disease and I lost it. I said some very mean things that ended with the statement, "You'd be a nice guy if it weren't for your HIV infection."

Needless to say we didn't talk much after that and I think he really thought the reason I broke up with him was because of his status. He learned differently a year or so later, when he discovered the guy I started dating right after him was also positive and I had no issue with it. We have stayed in loose contact with each other for the past several years talking/emailing once every couple of months. We have even talked about that last date and we both realize that we were wrong. Him for not letting me into his life. And me for not being more understanding.

Fast forward to tonight. I called him today to give him my new NYC cell number and suggested we meet for dinner soon. We scheduled it for Thursday night and hung up. He called back 5 minutes later and said he had changed his mind and wanted to know if tonight was still an option. I said yes and the date was planned.

I met him at his house at 6:30, and it was if we had never been apart. I hadn't seen him at all since moving to San Diego three years ago so I wasn't sure how he'd react to the changes in me. I have gained a little weight (if 70 pounds is a little) and was expecting him to see me and make an excuse and leave. He acted as if he didn't even notice. He hugged me and told me I looked great. Showed me his apartment, we talked for a while, made out for a while and then went to dinner.

After dinner we went back to his place and well you can guess the rest. We had sex and then talked. Mostly about what was happening. Whether it was good. What to expect. I don't know if I want a relationship right now. I don't know if I want one with him. I do know that if felt good to be found attractive. It felt good to have sex with someone who wasn't a stranger. It felt good to be lying down, instead of kneeling in the booth of an adult theatre.

So where do we go from here. We're going to see each other again on Friday night. Since it's not a school night I think I'll spend the night. Both of us are on a tight budget so I think it'll be renting a movie, ordering in and just hanging out. We'll take it slow and I'll see what I think. In the meantime, I am not going to write it off. I'll let what ever happens happen.

And don't worry I'll be careful. Both physically and emotionally.