I was way too tired to post last night, so here's a middle of the day post.

I made the most outstanding discovery on Sunday. I was walking around, freezing my butt off, when I decided it was too cold to continue. So I went in this "store" that was open on Sundays. Turns out you can get books from this "store" for free if they give you give them a lot of personal information and they give you a card. I got a library card on Sunday. Who would have known. I haven't had a library card in years. In fact I don't remember the last time I was in a public library. This one is very small but they have the latest best sellers and it's cute and quaint. I'll take pictures this weekend and post them. So I checked out two books. One I needed for my class and one is just to read. I'll let you know how they are.

On another note, I have had to find a hobby to keep myself busy. I have LOTS of free time here in Iowa with not much to do. So I have started crocheting again. My mother taught me to do it in when I was in 6th grade. That winter we missed almost two months of school and I was bored, so she sat me down and taught me the basics. It's not hard and I managed to teach myself the rest. I haven't crocheted in years. In fact, it took a couple of days to really get used
to it again. So now I am making scarves for all my friends. I have made 7.5 scarves since I have been here. Two of them I mailed out last week and the other 5 were mailed yesterday to both sides of the country. It's been kind of fun. I crochet while I am watching TV and it doesn't feel like I am wasting my time. I have one more to finish and yarn for about 20 more so I have enough to keep me busy until it gets to0 warm to make scarves and then I'll have to move on to something else. Here is a picture of the scarves I finished so far.

It's time for my weekly update.

Weight Lost this week: 2.5 pounds
Total Weight Lost: 25 pounds
Total Exercise: about 6 or so miles. It's too cold to be outside for long.
Classes Taught: 4
Total Students: 18 total. 11 in one class, 7 in the other
Days in Iowa: 14
Average Temperature this week: about 5 degrees...it's been VERY cold

That's about it for my update.

I apologize for last night's rant. I don't do that often on my blog but I just felt like I had to say something. The one thing I forgot to mention in my post is that Ted Haggard makes a brief appearance at the end of the movie. How did these people not know he was gay. He screams HOMOSEXUAL, and screams it with all caps. Just my opinion.

I also did a word cloud this weekend and am finally posting it. You guys can see what I am always talking about by how big the words are. If you want to do your own go here. It's pretty cool. It scans your blog and then captures the words that are most common.

Life in Iowa is okay. Had a very lonely weekend. It's weird not having a car in a place like this. Even weirder is that there's no place to go even if I did have a car. There's Wal-Mart, Ace Hardware, The Dollar General Store, and the video store, which I don't know the name for. There are a number of restaurants in town but I don't know if I feel comfortable yet, going there by myself. I'm trying right now to figure out which bar in town would be best to watch the Super Bowl. Not that I'm really interested in football, but it would be nice to be out of the house for a while and it would give me something to do. I'll let you know what I decide, although I have a feeling I'll be at home with my own six pack watching.

I have decided not to apply for the tenure-track position here in Iowa where I am teaching. I was hired as a one semester guest lecturer while they interview for the "real" position. Since I have been here I realize that I don't think the school is a good fit for me. Especially since the position is a scenery/lighting position. I can do scenery, but lighting is my speciality and I would much rather have a job that I can concentrate on teaching lighting. So the good news is I'll only be in Iowa for a few short months. The bad news is that I have to find a job at the end of the summer.

I bought my ticket to San Diego tonight. I'll be flying there on February 22, and returning on February 26. There is a memorial service for my friend who died on February 25 that I want to attend. It's being student produced and is a way for my friends who are still at school to celebrate C.P.'s life in their art. From what I have heard about it so far, it sounds like a wonderful tribute and the school administrators are behind them 100%.

That's it from my neck of the woods.

I saw the scariest movie ever tonight. I was curled up in my chair waiting for someone to say BOO! Unfortunately, that never happened, and as I continued to watch I became more and more concerned that what I was seeing was real. The movie...

Jesus Camp.

It's a documentary about indoctrinating children to evangelical views of religion, specifically Christianity. They follow a series of children as they attend church, then religious camp and then go to Washington to protest abortion. I have no problem with religion. I have no problem with Christianity. On a good day, I think I might believe myself. What I don't believe is that children should be taught to hate and fear most of the general population. They are taught that if you are not a tongue speaking, bouncing up and down, feel the Lord sort of Christian than you are going to hell. In fact there is a whole scene about "dead" Christians who just sit in church, sing the songs, and don't really "feel" the spirit of the Lord.

As I said, I don't have a problem with religion. I don't even mind that they are conservative. It's just the hatred they feel toward me and my kind. It's the hatred they have for people of other faiths. It's the hatred they have for people that don't think as they do. It's the hatred they feel for anything different than they are. I don't pretend to know a lot about other faiths and I barely know much about Christianity, but if I have to worship a hateful vengeful god then I think I'll take my chances with not believing. What happened to the teachings of Christ. What happened to "love thy neighbor?" What happened to "do onto others as you would have them do onto you?" What happened to John 3:16? That's about all the scripture I can quote but according to several churches I've attended it's enough. All it takes is a belief to be "saved." There was no talking of having to "feel" the spirit.

Can you tell I'm a little angry? It just makes me mad, how fucked up these kids are going to be. Especially the gay ones. And I believe that it's impossible that none of them are gay. They are being taught to hate themselves and everyone like them. No small child should have to carry the weight of abortion, or war. They should be out enjoying life. Trying to make the most of the gifts God has given them. Learning to love each other as well as their neighbor, as well as the Muslims down the street and the Jews on the next block. They swear these children to promises they are too young to understand let alone swear to.

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

I feel better now. Sorry about the venting. I'll say a little prayer for them tonight in hopes they'll come to understanding that a world of love and respect is far better than a world of hate and fear. If nothing else it'll make me feel better.

I braved the cold today and walked to the movies. The theatre in town only shows three movies and I have already seen two of them so I didn't have a lot of choices. I might add that it only cost $4.00 to see a matinee here. In fact my soda cost the same price as the movie did. As I said I have already seen two of the movies, so my choice today was Epic Movie. Trust me I wasn't expecting a great movie. More than anything I was looking to escape for a couple of hours and get out of the house.

So I bought my ticket and headed to the counter to buy a Diet Pepsi. Yeah, Diet Coke would be better but what's a girl to do. I'm standing in line being annoyed by the group of nine year olds in front of me. I think it must have been there first time out because they certainly didn't know how to act in a public place. They were punching each other, bumping into each other including me, totally ignoring their father's pleas for them to behave. I might add here that if I had ever acted like they were, I would have been put in the car and driven home immediately where I probably would have been in trouble for a week. When the "gang" was finally served I started to step toward the counter but was completely swamped with them stepping on my toes and pushing me out of the way as they continued horsing around. None of this seem to bother the father as he completely ignored them. I had to wait another couple of minutes before I could begin talking to the guy at the counter....who was quite cute I might add. I got my Diet Pepsi and headed into the theatre.

I grabbed my seat and was shocked to realize the average age was about 10. Before the movie even started I knew that it was not the type of movie for such a young age. In fact most 13 year olds wouldn't get the humor and it was inappropriate for them at that. The movie started and of course it was sophomoric humor with lots of tit jokes and sex jokes. Exactly what I was expecting. Not one person in the theatre laughed. At all. During the whole movie. I wanted to laugh out loud a number of times but was embarrassed that such a young audience was watching and that I would be judged by their parents for laughing. In fact the whole movie was pretty much ruined by the audience. As I sit here and write this I can hear everyone saying that I should have just laughed and enjoyed myself, but I just couldn't. I felt like I was watching porn with little kids and that someone was just waiting for me to give credence to the movie so that I could be escorted from the theatre.

I basically sat there the whole time wondering what kind of parent would bring their young children to such a movie. As I said, there weren't a whole lot of choices, but there's always the video store up the street. And I am sure there are hundreds of movies there, that would have been more appropriate.

But then again, maybe that's why I'm not a parent.

I did a kind of stupid thing this week. Something that explains why I haven't posted much this week. When I got to Iowa, I realized how small my little town is, and that the chances of meeting anyone is going to be impossible. So I posted ads on a couple of websites. Unfortunately, I responded to a couple of the ads from my maddoginthecity email address. I thought nothing about it. One particular person and I had been emailing back and forth when he admitted that he had discovered my blog. Uh. Oh. Looking back on it it was probably not a good idea to use that email address, but I didn't want to use my real one because it consists of my real name. I like being anonymous on here. I like feeling like I can talk about what I want without any real consequences. Now I feel like I can't. I feel as if anything I say might get back to people who now know me. Did I mention this particular guy works at the same college I work at. So now I can't tell you about the people I work with, the students in my class, nor the projects I am working on. When you live in a town of 9,000 people that doesn't leave much else to talk about. So I am in a quandary. Do I just continue to post and not worry about this person? Do I edit my posts for the next 4 months? Do I stop posting until I leave Iowa? What to do, what to do? I wasn't even sure I should talk about this here, but you guys out there have a large collective amount of experience in the blog world. So give me some advice. What should I do?

Of course in the meantime, I won't answer anymore ads with my Maddog address. I'll come up with some anonymous address to use to try and maintain some anonymity until I am ready to tell these people who I am.

I've seen this on a couple of blogs that I read today, and it's kind of fun. However, I don't know if I should be embarrassed or proud. I owe 925.60. Damn, that's a lot of money. I guess my past is a little more checkered than I remember.

How much money do you owe?

Here’s how it works: You don’t have to confess your answers, just the amount of your fine. (Not per incident!) Tally up your score and post it on your blog with the title… ”My Fine Is…”

Smoked pot — $10
Did acid — $5
Ever had sex at church — $25
Woke up in the morning and did not know the person who was next to you — $40
Had sex with someone on MySpace — $25
Had sex for money — $100
Vandalized something — $20
Had sex on your parents’ bed — $10
Beat up someone — $20
Been jumped — $10
Crossed dressed — $10
Given money to stripper — $25
Been in love with a stripper — $20
Kissed some one who’s name you didn’t know — $0.10
Hit on some one of the same sex while at work — $15
Ever drive drunk — $20
Ever got drunk at work, or went to work while still drunk — $50
Used toys while having sex — $30
Got drunk, passed out and don’t remember the night before — $20
Went skinny dipping — $5
Had sex in a pool — $20
Kissed someone of the same sex — $10
Had sex with someone of the same sex — $20
Cheated on your significant other — $10
Masturbated — $10
Cheated on your significant other with their relative or close friend — $20
Done oral — $5
Got oral — $5
Done/got oral in a car while it was moving — $25
Stole something — $10
Had sex with someone in jail — $25
Made a nasty home video — $15
Had a threesome — $50
Had sex in the wild — $20
Been in the same room while someone was having sex — $25
Stole something worth over more than a hundred dollars — $20
Had sex with someone 10 years older — $20
Had sex with someone under 21 and you are over 27 — $25
Been in love with two people or more at the same time — $50
Said you love someone but didn’t mean it — $25
Went streaking — $5
Went streaking in broad daylight — $15
Been arrested — $5
Spent time in jail — $15
Peed in the pool — $0.50
Played spin the bottle — $5
Done something you regret — $20
Had sex with your best friend — $20
Had sex with someone you work with at work — $25
Had anal sex — $80
Lied to your mate — $5
Lied to your mate about the sex being good — $25

It's time for my Monday update, althought there is not a lot to report.

Weekly Weight Loss: 0 pounds
Total Weight Loss: 22.0 pounds
Excerise: Not a lot. School gym isn't open yet, and it's been too cold to be outside.
Syllabi Completed: 2

Don't know what's up with the weight this week. I have been extremely dilligent in my efforts and yet I didn't lose a single pound. How can that be? I may have to get more desperate in my efforts if something doesn't happen this week.

I'm settling into Iowa and my schedule. Was at school all afternoon. Got my copy code, my email, office keys, etc. Now all I need is students. I get those tomorrow, at 8 a.m. sharp. I'm not exactly sure who thought up my schedule, but theatre classes should NEVER be taught at 8 a.m. Who can be creative when they're not awake yet. In fact, how do they expect me to teach a class when I WON'T be awake yet. It's a real problem. Anyone have any ideas?

Not much else going on. I'll be going to San Diego in February for a memorial service for my friend C.P. The date hasn't been set yet, but I'll keep you guys posted.

It's been a nice day today. Woke up to snow this morning. Actually started last night but we got several more inches from the time I went to bed and the time I woke up. It was so bright and white. After three years in San Diego it's nice to actually get to experience winter. I haven't minded the cold weather or the snow yet although it's fun to tell people about how cold it is and all the snow we've had. They think I'm miserable but I'm actually having a good time.

Got the syllabi finished today. Well sort of. I have about 30 minutes left on the first one, which will be done before I go to bed tonight. The second one actually went pretty fast. I had a good idea of what I was doing before I started it. I just needed to get it down on paper and figure out the time line, points, and due dates. It actually looks good, and if I have good students I think they'll learn a lot without being too bored. Of course I guess some of that pressures on my shoulders so I'll have to stay ahead as well.

Continuing with the house that I am staying in. The construction of the house is really weird. The walls are about 3/4" thick. They are not framed the way most houses are. In fact I can't figure out how they are framed at all. But if you do any inspecting you can tell they are in fact quite thin.

Another really strange thing about the house is that it has a full basement with a washer and dryer down there. Makes sense right? But in the third bedroom, in the closet, is the hook-up for another washer and dryer. I guess you could have a second set if you wanted? Or if you were too lazy to walk downstairs you could have them upstairs. Don't know what the deal is but I think it's strange.

Also downstairs, in the unheated basement is a pink rumpus room with a built in bar. I don't know how else to describe it but here it is.










And the icing on the cake. When I first toured the house and was shown the basement, there was a toilet sitting in the middle of the floor. It looked as though it were left over from some renovation and had never been disposed of. It's not hidden from view, in a bathroom, or even sitting next to the wall. It's just out in the middle of the floor. And then when I went downstairs to turn up the hot water heater, I discovered that the toilet is functional. Huh? It makes no sense at all. I guess if you were having a party downstairs in the rumpus room, you could just use the toilet downstairs, if you didn't want or need privacy. Or perhaps as my friend
F.M. suggested it was for the kids I kidnap from Missouri and keep prisoner in my basement. I
know that's not funny, but I can't figure it out. Anyone have any ideas?

Today has been the best day I have had all week. I actually managed to get some work done. I slept late, got up had breakfast, which is new for me, and then watched some T.V. I put my laundry away and then decided to go the movies. In my little Iowan town I only get 3 choices and today's choice was Blood Diamond. It was actually very good and Leonardo DiCaprio was the best I've seen him. Unfortunately, the movie was quite violent and I almost left in the first five minutes because I was not in the mood for it. I stuck it out and it turned out to be quite good.

Here's the best part. I got home from the movies at 6:30 and have been working on my syllabus for the past 6 hours. It's almost finished. I have two empty class days, but I think if I rework a couple of slots I can fill the days with things I already have planned. All in all the class should be quite interesting and I hope will be fun for the students as well as me. Tomorrow I have to get the syllabus done for my other class and then I'll almost be ready to start to work on Tuesday.


I've rented a three bedroom house in my VERY small town in Iowa that continues to be a source of strange and humorous things. First it was supposed to come furnished. However, my idea of furnished and the realtor's idea of furnished are very different. When I got to the house, it had a chair, an end table, a double bed frame with a mildewed mattress and a dresser. I pointed out that the mildewed mattress wouldn't work at all, and they agreed to get me another one. I went off to get things I needed and when I returned I had a kitchen table with three chairs and a twin bed. I haven't slept on a twin bed since college. I don't fit. I've almost fallen out of the bed several times now, as I roll over. I have to be very careful while I am asleep. I have been promised a double bed by the end of next week. Cross your fingers that the realtor thinks it's as important as I do.

I'm witnessing my first snow fall tonight. We've had snow here all week, but it was on the ground when I got here. It started snowing here this evening and it's been snowing all night. There are several different forecast for how much snow we are supposed to get. One guy said 4-6 inches, weather.com says 1-2, and another guy said 5-7. I don't really care, I just think it's cool that it's snowing, although it means I'll shovel snow for the first time tomorrow in 12 years. Sounds like fun to me.

I have had the worst time focusing today. I have tons of work to do to get ready for my classes and I just can't seem to force myself to sit down and do it. I did get up early today and drive to Des Moines to return my rental car. It's a long story but I had to return the car that brought me to Iowa and pick up a local car that I could return in my VERY small town.

I got home around 1:30 and had a Subway sandwich for lunch. There are actually two locations of Subway here. The towns not big enough for two of anything. I considered taking a nap after the sandwich and thought better of it. I haven't been sleeping well and a nap only makes it worse. So I decided to check and see if there were any websites to meet boys in Iowa. There are a lot if you are looking for sex. And it's not that sex wouldn't be nice, but it's not what I need right now. I did post a couple of ads and a few people answered tonight. Of course they were all in the bigger cities and were looking for sex. We'll see what happens over the next couple of days.

What I really needed to do was start my syllabus. My class starts in 4 days and I haven't even started planning for it. That's not exactly true. I have it all worked out in my head, but I need to put it on paper and plan when I'll do things, in what order and how fast I'll move. It's a lot to do in only a couple of days which means that I have to be seriously focused on Saturday and Sunday.

I am still getting calls about my friend C.P. Many people from San Diego are calling to see how I am doing and how I am dealing with the news. I talked to L.P. tonight, another teacher at school. We had a great conversation and talked a lot about C.P. We talked about the anger we felt over his killing himself, the sadness, and the grief. Toward the end of the conversation we were laughing at some of the things he often did. His funeral is on Sunday (I can't go) but the school is having a memorial service for him on February 4th. I plan to travel west for that. I was saying that it really needs to be a celebration of his life and not a sad affair. We ended the conversation there.

After I hung up the phone I sat in the parking lot of Subway and cried. C.P. died on Monday and the news was passed along on Tuesday. Last night writing my blog entry was the first time I cried. Today was the second. It just comes from nowhere, lasts about 4 or 5 minutes and then passes. I felt silly, sitting there crying but I felt like I needed it. I eventually dried my eyes and went and got my roast beef sandwich.

I came home and have been in a fog ever since. I am going to bed now. Perhaps I'll be able to sleep tonight and will be able to get work done tomorrow.

It's been a rather long week for me. I arrived in Iowa on Monday evening around 6:30 to very cold weather and snow. On Tuesday, I picked up the keys to my house, stopped by to see if everything I needed was there and then went to Wal-Mart to pick up all the things you need when you are setting up a new house. Things like trash cans and bags, silverware, dishes, sheets and pillowcases, groceries etc. I brought everything home, cleaned a little and then went out for dinner. My meal consisted of the WORST Thai food I have ever had. All of these things will be discussed later.

As I was paying for my meal, my friend C.D. called from San Diego. It went to voice mail. I went to my car and returned the call. We had about 2 sentences of niceties, and then he said that he had some bad news for me, that I had to keep quiet about until it was announced publicly. At first I thought he was going to say that he and his new wife were splitting up. I was wrong. C.D. proceeded to tell me that my mentor, advisor, and friend C.P. had died on Monday night. Not only that, he had killed himself.

I sat stunned in my car not knowing what to say. I still don't know what to say. It's like a bad dream that I want to wake up from. How could this be. I had just left him a message on Monday night telling him about my new job and asking him to call me back. How could this be, he had classes to teach. And shows to design.

I asked C.D. for details. It appeared there weren't many. C.P. had missed a couple of appointments on Monday, and didn't show up for class on Tuesday. C.D. and T.O. got worried and called the chair of the department. I don't know the exact flow of the events but it ended with the chair and another department person going to C.P.'s apartment where they found him, a note, and his effects in order. They didn't say how he had done it, because as soon as they realized what was going on, they called the police. It's funny how we want the morbid details to satisfy our curiosity.

The emotions I have felt this week have been many. I have been sad, angry, depressed, lonely. It saddens me mostly to think that C.P. thought things were so bad that he had to end it. Didn't he know that he was loved? Didn't he know how much he meant to all of us. Not just as a teacher. But as I have already said. As a friend. As someone we looked up to. Respected.

I have been on the phone non-stop since I got the news. People calling me to see how I am doing. Me calling others to do the same. We are all in shock. The reality is beginning to set in, but it's not a nice feeling. One of the phone conversations I had was with my friend K.E a set designer that took a lighting class C.P.'s lighting class our last year together.. She and I were in the same class at school and she is my closest friend in my graduating class. In all we have spoken about 2.5 hours in the last three days. She said something to me last night that put things in perspective. She pointed out that C.P.'s death was not about me. It was about him. It was his choice. Right or wrong. His choice. For whatever reason, which we'll never know he decided that he could not go one. He felt that his only out was to end it. I'm sorry he felt that way, but it's true. He got to decide for himself.

I feel like it's our job now to celebrate his life. He was a wonderful designer. He had a Tony award to prove it. He was loved by most everyone. They found him funny and quirky. He never lost his British accent even though he had lived in the states for almost 20 years. He had gone from being fat and married to skinny and gay. If you went in to his office in the evening you would probably hear Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy, Me. Or It's Raining Men. Or anything disco. C.P. often worked late and was always around when you needed help on a project. He had a million ways of looking at a design challenge and was great at making you figure out what would work best for your design. He could also be caddy. He once cornered me in my office and said..."I don't know if you know this, but your getting fat." I once told him to get out of my office before someone dropped a house on him. I often called him a bitch. Never in front of other students but we were both gay and had that sort of relationship with each other. He would sit behind me in tech and make me a nervous wreck. Even if things were going well. I assisted him in upstate NYC once and we had to walk a mile back to our lodging at the end of the evening. Every night on our way back he would ask me what I learned that day. He was anxious to make sure I was getting the most out my experience working with him. He would often sneak into my office in the evening and very discretely ask for a gin and tonic. As a teacher he wasn't interested in turning out clones of himself. He recognized that everyone has a different approach to design and he let us embrace our approach and refine it. He was famous for being "cheap" and refused to pay the 300 plus dollars for a faculty parking permit. So, he would come in at the end of his day and ask for a ride to his car which was inevitably parked 10 miles away. And I guess what I loved most about him, was that he fought for me to attend school in San Diego. I originally turned down his offer, for a number of reasons which all seem stupid now, but he called and called and continued to call. He met with me and even had the chair of the department call me to convince me that his program was for me. In the end he was right. I learned so much about myself, my art, and theatre that I would never have learned at another program. He taught me that I was good at what I did and to embrace it. He taught me that it's healthy to fear a project but then you had to meet the challenge head on and beat it. He taught me a lot.

I loved him a lot.

I miss him already.

It's Monday, so it's time for Maddog's Weekly Something. I still don't have a title for it, and I am too tired to be creative at the moment.

So for this week:

Weeks Weight Loss: 0
Total Weight Loss: 22.5
Exercise: Walked about a mile (I spent the week getting ready to leave)
Miles Driven: 1,700.

I spent the weekend in Lexington, Kentucky with my mom. It was an uneventful trip. We spent some time with relatives on Saturday, which included a trip to IHOP. It's very difficult to find things on the menu at IHOP that are healthy. I settled on an omelet and it was the size of Vermont. It's no wonder all of America is getting fatter by the minute. Saturday afternoon was topped off with a two hour nap. It was absolutely wonderful. It even involved sex with two college boys. And I never dream about sex.

Saturday evening I saw my friend T.C. She and I talked about old times, tried to figure out the meaning of our lives and schemed about ways for me to be in Lexington and make money as a designer. Keep you fingers crossed that something comes through for this summer.

Sunday was a day long trip to Cincinnati. It was coordinated so two of my aunts, along with my mom and my brother would journey to my father's favorite restaurant, The Schoolhouse. The restaurant has the best fried chicken in the world and everything is family style, so the sides keep coming until you are full. And if you are a family of eater's that can mean many refills on the sides. Once again it's no wonder that most of America is the size of a house. I treated everyone to lunch as a Christmas present.

After lunch we journeyed through Cincinnati. There used to be a candle discount/outlet store on Reading Road, but as we discovered yesterday that store along with all the other stores in the shopping center are gone. We also drove by a house I used to live in, which was much smaller than I remembered and the fountain in Eden Park. Then we continued home...in the rain.

The big news is...as of today I am in Iowa. I left Lexington this morning at 7:30. It was still raining (and had been since Friday) and was 67 degrees. My trip took me northwest through Louisville, then Indianapolis, then west to Peoria, then northwest to the Quad Cities (I don't know what they are, but it's assumed everyone knows about them when you are in Iowa) and then west on into Iowa where it's now -2 degrees. I arrived at my hotel at 6:30. It's a dump but it's home for the evening. I get the keys to my house tomorrow morning. I'll take pictures and post them.

Tomorrow, I make a list of all the things I need for my new place and head to the Wal-Mart Superstore just up the street. I hate that I have to shop there, but there are few options here for shopping anywhere else. So it's either Wal-Mart or no blankets, plates, trash cans, laundry detergent etc. I'm sure it won't kill me, but I won't like it. Tomorrow evening I plan to spend several hours starting to plan for my classes. I'll have a week to prepare before my classes start next Tuesday.

That's my week in a glance. Thanks to everyone for the well wishes as I drove through the ice storm. By the time I got to it the worst was over and the roads were cleared. I had prepared myself that if things got too bad I would stop in a hotel where ever I needed to. Luckily that didn't happen. Oh, and by the way I didn't win the lottery on Friday either. So no trips to NYC anytime soon.

The ark is almost finished. We are gathering the animals now to load them on the boat. With any luck the floods won't come until it's finished. Damn, has it been raining. Non-stop since Friday afternoon. I don't know how much we've gotten but the original forecast called for 4 or 5 inches total. Of course this doesn't even compare to what I get to deal with tomorrow. I head northwest tomorrow morning. Leaving Lexington, heading to Louisville, then to Indianapolis, on toward Peoria, and finally into Iowa. As best I can tell the worst of the weather is occurring today (freezing rain and ice) and the roads should be okay by the middle of the day tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed. The last thing I need is to get stranded in the middle of Illinois. I'm staying in a hotel tomorrow night so I'll be able to post more (no more dial-up) and I'll actually be able to find out what all of you have been up to this weekend.

One last bit of information. The temperature here today is 60. Tomorrow in Iowa it'll be around 15. That's a big change. How long do you think it'll take to find an Iowan corn fed boy to keep me warm. Just a thought.

It's taken me 30 minutes to get to this page on my mom's computer. I HATE dial- up. It's the worst. This is going to be quick because who knows how long the connection will last.

I made it to Kentucky in just over 12 hours. I would have been here faster except for rush hour traffic in Columbus and the ridiculous amounts of rain I drove through from Ohio on. It stopped about 15 minutes before I got to my moms house.

Just for the record, I was up at 5:30 this morning. And got to the rental car place early enough to get Starbucks before Budget opened. It made for a much more tolerable day. Got back home, packed the car, and drove across the Washington Bridge at 8:25. Not too bad if I don't say so myself. It feels good to be here.

Adios.

It's almost bedtime. I have to be up at 5:30 a.m. tomorrow morning so that I can be at the car rental place by 7:00. Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm rarely up that early. But it's only one day so I'll probably be fine. I pick the car up at 7:00 drive back up to my house and load the car. From there I head across the George Washington Bridge and into New Jersey and start my trek to Kentucky. My goal is to be in Lexington by 10 tomorrow night. With any luck there won't be any traffic, bad weather, or anything else to slow me down.

I'll be in Lexington for two days. My mom and I'll will run around on Saturday and see a number of relatives and then will eat dinner out somewhere. After that I'm going to see my friend T.C. She is going to help me work on my teaching philosophy which I need to write to apply for a number of teaching gigs. On Sunday my mom, brother, and two aunts are going to Cincinnati to a restaurant that was my dad's favorite. I haven't been there since he died so it'll be interesting.

That takes me to Monday. On Monday I get up early, say goodbye to my mom and get back on the road heading northwest toward Iowa. My goal is to be there by early evening. It's 600 miles so I figure about 12 hours total, but who knows what the real time will play out as. It's so supposed to be snowing and raining so it may be slow going. I just ask that it not get too bad until I get to Iowa.

I'm staying in a hotel on Monday night. I was worried that I would get to Iowa and realize that I didn't have a bed, or a couch or any of the things that I have been promised or that there would be no heat, water, electricity. So I plan to just chill in my room, catch up on blogs that I won't get to read over the weekend. Post some pictures of my trip and get ready to go to work.

Have a great weekend everyone.

I've mentioned in the past couple of weeks that I sent an email in support of Sears's advertising campaign to LOGO via the AFA website. The AFA is The American Family Association. They are quite a scary group of people. Their main focus seems to be against homosexuality. I know this because I get emails from them now asking me to sign other petitions, send money, or today, buy a video. I continue to get the emails because I figure it's good to know what the enemy has in store for us, and what they are up to.

Today was especially scary. It was an offer to buy their video It's Not Gay for a steal of only 10 dollars. The email made me curious and so I considered buying it. Perhaps it's not too late for me to be cured of the disease of homosexuality. Of course as I later learned, it meant I'd have to stop sucking dick and I like that too much to seriously give it up so I decided not to buy the video. What I did do though, was find it on the Internet for free. It's terrifying that they are allowed to say the things they say. They quote ridiculous statics, and interview people that probably should not be allowed to do the jobs they are listed as doing, and through it all they make a case against being gay.

At the end of the video they make a case for calling the Portland Fellowship. It's an organization that has been created to help all of us silly queens stop decorating and start drinking beer on Sundays and watching football. I've already ordered my "Girls Gone Wild" Video for when the transformation has taken place.

As a public service I've posted the It's Not Gay video on my blog. Take a look at it. It's about 35 minutes long but you only have to watch about 15 minutes to get the overall opinion they are offering. On the AFA website it says this video is perfect for Sunday school classes and teens, to warn them of the effects of homosexuality. I truly fear the damage these people are doing to the minds of young people across the world. All in the name of Jesus Christ. Perhaps tonight I'll say a little prayer that they stop the harm they are doing. I have a friend who says it's important to pray for your enemies and if these people aren't my enemies I don't know who is.

""

Nothing like promising to fly people to NYC to get them to comment on my blog. I'll have to make promises more often. Ten comments is an all time record for me. Unfortunately for those who've already packed for their visit, I didn't win. On five plays I only guessed two numbers correctly. I guess I'll have to try again later in the week.

I had a very long day today. I was up and out of the house by 8:45. For me that's no small feat. In fact, I got up early enough to have coffee and watch the news before I left home. From here I rode the train an hour to my sponsor's house to go over my plan of attack while I am away from home. We spent almost three hours talking. I don't know how much you guys know about 12 step recovery but spending three hours on your spiritual well being is a luxury everyone should have several times a week. It set the tone for the rest of the day which was equally wonderful.

I had lunch with W.C., my sponsor, and then headed back home. When I got here, I started working on my desk. I have lived in my apartment for 3 months and today is the first day I have sat at my desk to use my computer. I have been sitting at the coffee table, situated between tchotchkes. Because of how I sit, my left leg eventually goes to sleep making it impossible to stand when I've finished reading the blogs I read. But not tonight. Tonight I have a desk. I'll get to use it three nights before I shove off for the Midwest.

The other magical thing that happened today is that all of my DVD's miraculously alphabetized themselves. Actually I did it. My roommate has been giving me grief about it since I moved in. It was impossible to find anything because they were a mess. So today I spent almost two hours getting the DVD's in order. It's great to finally have it done. What it also does, is make me realize that I have duplicates of seven movies. Whoops.

I ended my day by having dinner with my friend M.L. We ate at a restaurant called The Place. I have walked by it a million times but never eaten there. The food was good, but the portions were tiny. I joked as we finished our main courses..."What are we having for dinner?" It was also rather expensive for what we got and the atmosphere. Over 100 bucks and there was no alcohol involved. Hmm. There are several other restaurants in the area that are much better that cost less. That being said, the company was delightful. M.L. is one of my favorite people in the world. He knows pretty much everything there is to know about me, and still he likes me. He's also helped me out of a couple of binds I have gotten myself into over the years, both financially and professionally. He's super and I am going to miss him while I am out of the city.

Hope everyone had a great Tuesday. See you tomorrow.

P.S. My friend T.M. knows that I have a blog, since I sort of mentioned it tonight in a phone call. Whoops. The question now is...Do I give him the link? He's a great friend, and knows most of my secrets. He's also not someone I talk about in an unpleasant manner. But then there's the fact that no one I know knows about the blog. My question to you guys--Do I tell him? Do I keep it a secret? What would you do?

Welcome to the first "real" Monday of the new year. Many people dedicate their blogs to certain things on certain days. There's "Tap That Thursday" here, and Eye Candy Monday here, Sesame Street here, and Sunday Snippets here. My Mondays are going to be dedicated to checking in. I'll let you know how much weight I've lost in the last week, my total loss, and just how I am doing. It's just a way to track my progress and be accountable so here goes...

Weight Loss This Week: 4 pounds
Total Weight Lost: 22.5 pounds
Miles Walked: 10 miles (I try and do 2 miles a day)

Overall it was a good week. I saw my psychiatrist on Wednesday. Things there are status quo. The only real catch is that he thinks some of the weight gain might be because one of my drugs is known for slowing the metabolism. He's a little hesitant to do anything about it because I'm leaving for Iowa and emotionally the drugs seem to be doing what they are supposed to. I'll check in with him when I return from Iowa on Spring Break to see how my weight loss is going and how I'm dealing with being away from NYC.

Went to 5.5 meetings this week in my 12-step group. Things there are going well. Someday I'll be brave enough to talk about that here.

I leave for Iowa on Friday. I'm a little nervous, but that's to be expected. Called today to get electric, cable, etc. turned on and in my name. I'll be a couple of days without the Internet but I'll warn you before that happens.

I found someone to sublet my apartment for the part of the time I'm gone, so I'll save about 2,500 dollars while I am away.

Signed and returned my lease on the house I am renting today along with contracts from Tulsa (did I mention I'm doing three shows there next summer) and my design contract for school. Still waiting on my teaching contract and the money for moving.

I played the lottery today. I only do it when the jackpot is huge. It's 122 million for tomorrow night. If I win I'll fly all of you to NYC to visit me for a week in the spring. Well at least the ones who comment on today's post.


That's it for my first check-in Monday. I need a snappy title for these posts. Any ideas?

The Christmas tree is finally gone. Taking it down is my least favorite part of the holidays. In all honesty it should have been taken down more than a week ago, but we left it up since we were having guests. Today was also the only time C.Z. and I could coordinate our schedules to be home for more than an hour or two together. We started about 12:30 and by 4:30 everything was packed away, the floors had been swept and re-swept, the furniture cleaned (the needles were everywhere) and our new rug for the living room was in place. We were done. It was actually sad coming home tonight and not seeing the tree in the window. I guess I'll have to get used to it for a while.

Actually I won't. I mentioned in yesterday's post that I was going to Iowa. I think I may have mentioned this about a month ago, but I know I really didn't discuss it much. So for the record, I have been hired to teach at a school in Iowa. I'll be teaching two classes in my field. The job kind of fell into my lap so I didn't really feel like I could turn it down. I also didn't have any other amazing offers so I accepted it. It'll require me to be out of town till May. It's not as bad as it sounds. I've rented a three bedroom house for a couple of bucks, about 2 blocks from campus. I won't need a car there, and it'll force me to continue to get exercise. I'm subletting my apartment to my friend J.T. who was just here to visit. So everything is falling into place.

So this Friday, I put all of my things, at least the things I'm taking, into a rental car and I drive to Kentucky. I'm spending the weekend with my mom. We are just going to hang out, visit relatives and on Sunday drive to Cincinnati to eat at my dad's favorite restaurant. I have not been there since he died so it'll be sort of weird being there without him. Then on Monday morning bright and early, I head northwest to Iowa. It should take about 12 hours according to Mapquest. I'm probably going to stay in hotel for the first night, so that I am not stressing out about what I need and what I should have brought with me.

On Tuesday I get down to business. I haven't made one plan yet for the classes I am going to be teaching. I'll have my work cut out for me, but it should be doable. Classes start the week of the 22nd. Then before you know it, it'll be May and I'll be writing about packing up and heading back to NYC.

I'll keep all of you posted on my adventures in the Midwest.

I had a great day today. My fraternity little sister A.O. formerly A.M. was surprised this weekend with a trip to NYC by her husband in honor of her 40th birthday. She called me yesterday from LaGuardia baggage claim to tell me the news. More important than all of the sightseeing they had planned was to see me. We had not seen each other since May 2003 at my father's funeral. A lot had changed since then. She had two more kids for a total of three. I had gone off to San Diego, gone to school and since relocated back to NYC. Because of our schedules we aren't that good at staying in touch with each other so we had a lot of catching up to do.

We met up at a Thai restaurant in Hell's Kitchen that was in her tour book. It supposedly was voted one the best in NYC. I'm no Thai expert but it left a little to be desired. But that's another post. We met at 1:00 and never stopped talking the whole time we were together. We caught her husband up on our past, mutual friends we'd made since college, etc. Then we chatted about her job, my job. My moving to Iowa. (Have I mentioned I am moving to Iowa for 5 months?) We discussed NYC, the shows she seen on tour, the shows I've seen in the city, the shows I've worked on. We were still talking when her husband announced it was time to go(Have I mentioned that I don't like her husband? He's a stick in the mud and I don't see what she sees in him. But at least he's not a crack-head, like her last one). I walked with them to Rockefeller Center and then we said our good-byes. Knowing that it might be a while before we saw each other but that we were there if the other needed it.

Today was a nice reminder of how old friends are. When you get together it's as if no time has passed and you pick up right where you left off. I have a number of friends like this, with the number getting greater all the time. If you really had things in common in the beginning it's my belief you'll still have things in common. It's the reality of close friends. Of course people grow apart but I believe that's a different thing all together. There are very few people that I have spent time getting close to and call close friends that I still don't enjoy spending time with. I hope this continues to be true.

It's official. This weekend palm trees are being planted in Central Park. The public beaches are being opened. The city pools should be ready for use by the end of the week. The tropical resorts will be built and open in just a few years. Of course if Hollywood's right about all this, most of lower Manhattan will be under water in just a few short months. All of this the effects of global warming and the insanely warm temperatures.

Tomorrow the temperature in NYC is supposed to be 70. The previous high was 63 so we'll be setting records. All of this in a winter that has yet to yield any cold weather. In fact we have only had three days that would even remotely seem like winter. We have yet to have any snow and in NYC usually up to two inches of snow has fallen by the end of December.

I'm starting to wonder why I left San Diego. The weather here will be warmer tomorrow than it will be out there. As of right now it's 59 degrees here and only 50 degrees in San Diego. One of the big reasons I wanted to move back to the east coast was to experience seasons again. I'm still waiting. So far it's been summer and fall. And it's been fall since October. Can someone please wake me when winter gets here? I have a brand new winter coat, hat, and gloves waiting to be used.

On the wall of the subway at 23rd Street and Eighth Avenue there is a poster for the movie Happily N'Ever After. The ad's tag line says...

"One Evil Queen Can Ruin Your Whole Day"

Beneath it is scrawled...

"Welcome to Chelsea."

What's even funnier is that there are no records of this advertisement on line. All the posters on line say...

"Happy Endings Aren't What They Used To Be"

It's clear the advertisers know who their target audience is at 23rd and Eighth.

For the past week or so I thought I would start the year by posting some insightful thoughts and words to inspire me for the year. I have thought and thought as to what I might say and still I am searching for an idea. So far, nothing.

Today is January 1, 2007. The first day of the new year. It's a time for reflection of what has past and a time to look ahead at the coming year. On CNN this past week a poll stated that most Americans thought 2006 was not a favorable year. At first I agreed and then realized in fact 2006 was a fine year. Many wonderful things happened to me this year.

1. I graduated from a reputable program with my MFA in theatrical design.
2. I moved cross country to start pursuing my career.
3. I moved into a wonderful apartment in NYC, with the best roommate I have ever had.
4. I drove cross-country on a trip that once again let me see the vast expanse of the land we call home.
5. I was hired to teach at a school for the spring semester in the Midwest where I'll be relocating in 11 days.
6. I have money in the bank.
7. I have a family who loves me even though I don't always appreciate them.
8. I have wonderful friends who would give me the shirt off their backs if they thought I needed it.
9. I discovered the world of blogging and have made many Internet acquaintances.
10. I lost 21 pounds in the last two months of the year.
11. I worked on the regional theatre production of a show that should be on Broadway in less than a year.
12. Artistically, I did some wonderful work with a number of brilliant theatre artists.
13. Something I haven't mentioned in the blog yet because I worry of judgement, but I re-started a 12-step recovery program and it's going quite well. (It's not for alcohol, for those of you who know I drink every once in a while. While I am at it, it's not for food, either.)
14. I visited Maine for the first time this year and loved the beauty of it.
15. I put up a Christmas tree for the first time in five years.
16. My health has been near perfect except for a little depression that I have always dealt with.
17. I've opened my NYC home up for all my friends to visit and a number of them have taken me up on the offer.
18. I learned that it's okay to take care of yourself even if it means hurting some one's feelings.
19. I learned that Life is good.
20. I learned that I am loved.

Not a bad list for five minutes.

As for my resolutions I only have two, but they are related.

1. I want to lose a total of 100 pounds by January 1, 2008. I have lost 21 pounds so far, so I am well on my way. I want to do it slowly, and carefully so that it doesn't effect my health. I'll keep you posted on my progress.
2. I want to be able to run 5 miles again by the end of the year. Three and a half years ago I ran 5 miles almost every day. It was healthy for both my body and my mind. Especially my mind. I solved all my problems as I ran, argued with people, sorted things out, and got them in line. I stopped running for a number of reasons which I'll post about later this week. But running again is my wish.

Wish me luck as I start this journey.

I hope everyone had a wonderful first day of the year.

Try to enjoy them all.