I went by school tonight to have a beer with my friend T.O. I have always liked T.O. since I first met him and love hanging out with him. I shared an office with him along with two other people while I was in school. The offices are quite large and there is plenty of room for people to make themselves at home. I claimed the office as my own from the very beginning and made it special. Besides all of my school supplies and office needs I strung Christmas lights up every where to give it a carnival feel. This also meant that there was enough light so that we didn't have to use the fluorescent's. I brought in two refrigerators. One to hold our lunches. The other to hold our beer. I hung up a giant subway map of NYC in my office. I hung posters. By the beginning of my second year of school our office was the place to be. People stopped by just to say hi. They came to lounge in our recliner. The came by to shoot the breeze and to talk about art and politics.

At the beginning of my second year of graduate school I created happy hour. On Friday afternoons starting at 4:00 I set up a bar on my desk. I had a refrigerator full of beer and any type of hard liquor you could want. You want a margarita? I could do it. A martini? I could do it? Bourbon and coke? I could do it. I charged two bucks a drink no matter what you wanted. Of course the disclaimer here is that it was a donation. Under no circumstances would I have run a bar out of my office, charging people for drinks without a liquor license. That would never have happened. Anyway, by 5 p.m. on Fridays my office would be full of people. Sometimes as many as 25 or 30 people. We would drink until people were through. Sometimes that was 6:30. Sometimes that was 3 a.m. Without realizing it. I was creating something. Pretty soon even the faculty would stop by to have drinks with the grad students. The chair of the department didn't like it but nobody stopped it.

My office was my home for three years. I became more and more comfortable as I went through school. And when it came time to move out it was emotional. Down came all the lights. That took more than an hour. If I can get some pictures of this I'll post them. The lights were hooked through beams and conduit. It took four circuits just to supply all the power needs. Next I boxed up all the books and supplies. Then came the poster and postcards. I had created a collage on my walls with "stuff" and it was a work of art. It's all in boxes now. Slowly over one weekend my school life was boxed up and taken a way.

Tonight I was in my "old" office. It was weird. It's not my space anymore. The furniture has been rearranged. The fridge is in new spot and it's not stocked with Corona. There are no lights in the air. And yet I look around and there are remnants of me here and there. Pieces of a project that I left behind. A poster of Eddie Murphy that I gave to C.D. A coffee mug. A set of glasses. The subway map. And yet none of these things are "me" anymore. They are objects that will be passed around until someone finally throws them out. Then I'll cease to exist in this world. I'll have no connection. It'll be as if I never were there.

So I sat there tonight thinking about all of this and it made me sad. Change is hard. I don't like it. I want the life back I had a year ago. And yet that is not possible. I have been set free to wander out into the world to make my fortune and my life at school is but a memory. Growing up sucks.