It's been a long couple of days. I guess the most important or rather crappy thing that happened was that A.L. and I finally had to have a talk about his feelings for me. Last Wednesday night we had dinner. At dinner I had a glass of wine and an after dinner drink and then commented on the fact the alcohol was going to my head. At this point A.L. made a comment about me drinking more so that he could take advantage of me. Without thinking I said, trying to be funny, that it would take more than a couple of drinks for that to happen. Whoops. I know it sounded kind of mean but it's not what I meant. However, it pissed him off. So much so that he didn't speak to me for five days.

Now the "great" part about his not speaking to me was that he didn't bother to tell me why he was pissed at me. So I spent five days trying to figure out what I did, replaying the evening in my head, not remembering what I said. Finally yesterday he called me and we talked. He explained that what I said had been like a slap in the face and that it wasn't nice. He then began to point out other faults of mine. At one point he was being quite mean. However, I was trying to smooth everything over so I kept apologizing trying to take the high road. We ended the conversation agreeing that he would come over today to help me hang pictures in my apartment.

Unfortunately, after we spoke I spent the afternoon cleaning, which gave me time to think. The more I thought, the more I realized that I hadn't been the only one at fault here. As I continued to think I began to get angry. And then I got really angry. The point is I am not interested in A.L. I have never been interested in him romantically. I was not interested in him five years ago when he asked me out the first time. I was not interested in him romantically on our drive cross country when he mentioned that he still had feelings for me. I was not interested in him romantically when he mentioned his interest since the trip and I was not interested in him romantically when he made his joke on Wednesday. Don't get me wrong he's a nice guy. But we have nothing in common. We don't listen to the same music. He doesn't watch T.V. He doesn't go the theatre. He only watches movies that are documentaries. His taste in architecture isn't the same as mine. His taste in furniture is ugly. His apartment looks like he just moved in and he's lived in the same apartment for 26 years. While we are at it I should mention that he's 15 years older than me. He doesn't work. I could go on but you get the point. We have nothing in common.

I suddenly realized that I needed to finally end this romantic obsession. I had to nip in the bud so to speak. So last night I called A.L. back and we had a little chat. I, rather firmly, explained that his interest in me had to stop. The comments had to stop. The jokes had to stop. He needed to start taking responsibility for what was going on. I explained that I no longer wanted to be held accountable for my responses when he was saying things that made me uncomfortable. I didn't go so far as to say that we had nothing in common but I laid out the reasons why a relationship with him wouldn't work and was a bad idea. I might have been a little heavy handed but I kept reiterating my stand. I needed for him to finally understand that I wasn't interested.

He eventually said that he got the point and that I could stop. And so we said our good-byes. A.L. called back today. He said that he wanted to make an amends. He apologized for putting me into uncomfortable positions. He apologized for being unrelenting. He explained that he would need some time to get over this, and asked for space.

I don't know how all of this will play out. I do know that having my conversation with him was difficult. It's never easy to say something to a friend that you know will probably hurt their feelings. But sometimes you have to step up to the plate and do what's uncomfortable. I hope in the end that we can salvage the friendship that we have started.