It's been a long couple of days. I have been in the worst mood possible. I've searched and searched for what's going on and although there are many reasons I might be in this space nothing really jumps out at me. So what could it be.

First it's fucking cold here. And I don't say that lightly. It's -7 right now, and with wind it feels like -20. It's been that way for three days and it's not supposed to get any better in the next few days. We have a warm front moving in on Tuesday. The high will be 17. That will be the warmest it's been in several days. I haven't left the house today because it's so cold outside and without a car, walking anywhere is painful. Yesterday I walked to the gym and the wind was causing my eyes to water which promptly froze on my eye lashes. By the time I got to the gym I had icicles hanging from my face. I was not about to try that again today.

It's also more than a little lonely here. I haven't seen a gay person in more than three weeks and I haven't had a personal conversation in just as long. At school, the rest of the faculty has been super friendly and super helpful. What they haven't been is interested in me personally. No one talks to me about my personal life, or even my professional life outside of school. They also aren't interested in doing anything outside of the school day. There have been no invitations for coffee, or a beer, or lunch or dinner. I go to school, I teach my classes, I come home. The rest of my day is spent by myself. This gets old after a while. Before you ask, there aren't really any social outlets in town. I don't see myself going to the sports bar up the street and watching football. I also don't see myself hanging out on campus with a bunch of students who are young enough to be my children. So for the most part, for the next three months I'm on my own.

I'm also tired of dieting. I've talked about this a little on my blog but I'm on a couple of medications for depression. One of those meds, the one I depend on most, that changed my life dramatically as soon as I started taking it, can slow your metabolism, if you take it for long periods of time. I've been on the med about 7 years and I can tell the difference in my metabolism. If I eat three light meals of mostly vegetables. I don't lose weight. I stay exactly where I am. The only way for me to really lose weight is to starve myself. Not really, but it feels like it. I have to watch everything I eat and monitor it like there's no tomorrow. And even with that the weight is very slow to fall away. In all, I'm tired of it. I want to be skinny now. I want to not think about it. Before some of you start talking about switching meds, I've already talked to my doctor about it. He's agreed to do it, but not before I come home from Iowa. He doesn't want me to be suddenly thrown into a deep depression while I am here because we are playing with my meds. So until July, I'm stuck.

I could go on but it's making my mood worse. I realize the weather isn't forever. In fact this job isn't forever. I also know in a couple of days I'll be completely over this and it'll be as though nothing was ever wrong. In the meantime I just need to get back to my schedule and keep myself busy. Believe it or not there's a lot a person can do to stay busy in a three bedroom house all alone. I have movies to watch, scarves to make and posts to write. Of course I should also do the dishes, put my laundry away and put together my notes for Tuesday's class. And for now, I'm going to brush my teeth and go to bed.

Thank God this weekend is over!!!