In the past few months I have begun reading several blogs, enough that I have been inspired to start my own. A couple of weeks ago I became intrigued with this man's blog. Not in a stalker sort of way. It just so happened that in several consecutive blogs he referred back to previous posts. Not being familiar with them I'd click on the link and find myself reading about "The Search for Love in Manhattan" and Joel's adventures. So one Sunday afternoon I started at the beginning, February 27, 2002 and start reading forward. It soon became my favorite soap opera. Would he break E.S.'s heart? Would he find true love? Would he reveal the name of his porn movie? Would he be a base his entire life. All questions that you could probably care less about.

For two weeks I spent a lot of spare time learning about Joel. Not that I liked everything I read. It makes me nervous that he might read my posts because writing has never been one of my strengths and I tend to just deliver my thoughts as they happen and god help my grammar and spelling and Joel is a self-professed grammar Nazi. That being said, I got to know Joel. There were posts that made me angry, posts that made me laugh, posts that depressed me. There were a couple of times that I just wanted to pick up the phone, call him and ask him exactly what the fuck he thought he was doing. But instead I read.

So why this story. Well, when Joel first started blogging he was compulsive about posting everyday, so much so, when he missed a day he would sometimes write multiple posts later to make up for it. Well today is exactly 4 days after I wrote my first blog entry. I feel guilty. I feel as though I have let someone down.

What's funny is, no one even knows about this blog. I don't think I am going to tell my friends because I want the freedom to discuss things I might not talk to them about. And yet, I still feel guilty. What is this about? I worry that imaginary people are upset with me because I didn't post for four days. Will they attack me with their comments. Will they stop reading. Oh, my god! I have lost my mind. My only consolation is that Joel now only posts occasionally, even though I check for his updates daily. So if he can get over his compulsive behaviors concerning real people, maybe I can overcome my compulsive behaviors concerning imaginary ones.

Gotta wrap this up. My imaginary boyfriend wants me to come to bed and have sex with him. Did I mention his name is Christopher Meloni. Maybe I should start seeing my therapist twice a week.